dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
