Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
