I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
