It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
