im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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