I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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