Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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