im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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