Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
