Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can I color on your dick again?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize