sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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