yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
