Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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