The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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