My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
