New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My ass is underappreciated
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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