I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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