the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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