sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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