You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
