Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
