Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
NoShamevember. You game?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
