Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize