My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize