You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
