I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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