So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
