Say something about gay babies.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
