How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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