I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
