my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
