Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
