well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
