Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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