Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
id be glad to
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
