Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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