I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
