need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
