Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Such a big mess for such a small penis
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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