He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
