I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
