At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
