he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
