my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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