sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
