Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
