True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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