I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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