Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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