i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
