we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
