Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
