you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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