I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
