So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
