And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
