i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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