we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
