Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
