Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
