it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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