dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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