the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
