Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize