from now on my penis is your penis
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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