your room smells of hookers.
And success
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
