we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
