dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize