If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
