Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
