Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
