The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
