we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I believe in your delicious
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
