I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize