I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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