We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just invented taco cereal.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
