I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
