Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize