i don't like sucking hair
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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