Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
