we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
