I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
