i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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