All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
