no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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