Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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