I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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