you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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