Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
