And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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