You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
