My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
