So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
