He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
