mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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