his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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