i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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