____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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