If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
