You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize