oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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