he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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