I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
