Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
