oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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