Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
