Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
