go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
