we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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