it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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